American Idol

‘American Idol' padding begins to wear thin

By George Lang
The Oklahoman

Bored and testy is no way to go through life, or even for just an hour. But this is what the "Bon Voyage, Haley Scarnato” edition of "American Idol” did to me last week.

Dedicated "Idol”-philes know the drill: Wednesday night is when Fox's Super Bowl of karaoke announces who will survive to sing another week, and who gets to pack and catch the next flight to San Antonio. I was watching because two performers have Oklahoma connections, including Phil Stacey, whose in-laws live in Shawnee. He barely beat Scarnato, but I was there at 8 p.m. Wednesday with my laptop, ready to write a wrap-up if Stacey was going back to singing in the U.S. Navy Band after that night.

By the way, what if Stacey were to win? In the event that he becomes the next "American Idol,” he is still Petty Officer Third Class Stacey. I was in the Navy when David Robinson was released from his commitment and joined the San Antonio Spurs, and there was some controversy about the decision, but he was too tall to serve on submarines or fit in a cockpit. If anyone can shed light on this hypothesis regarding Stacey, let me know.

At any rate, I was settled in to report on the outcome and was shocked and appalled at how little actually happens in this weekly "A.I.” installment. Fox earned the second highest ratings of the week for that episode, and yet nothing actually happened until the final five minutes, when the results of viewer voting were revealed. Before that, it was an hour-long water-treading exercise. We had the cringe-inducing group rendition of Enrique Iglesias' "Bailamos,” Ryan Seacrest's Sanjaya Malakar baiting, Paula Abdul's typical confusion, a taped performance by Akon, a live performance by Jennifer Lopez, more commercials than anyone should see in an hour and an extended piece on Simon Cowell's philanthropic work, ostensibly proving he is not the River Styx ferry captain we all suspected.

It was padding, from Akon to Saint Simon and beyond, all the way to the results, and it is a little insulting that Fox does this every week and reaps millions of dollars, delivering only a few minutes of what can only charitably be called substance. But 26.1 million people tuned in, and which network executive is going to toy with that kind of success?

I understand its value as a cultural spectacle, but I've never been able to truly enjoy "American Idol,” and it's not because of Cowell or the generally cheesy, bread-and-circuses tone of the thing. It's because I value people who write their own songs. "American Idol” generally chooses good material for its contestants, although the Latin and country segments of the past two weeks stretched patience. But they aren't performing songs they created. It's always an interpretation of someone else's work.

Yes, some talented singers have gotten breaks on this show, principally Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson. But I'm craving an "American Idol”-like show that features singer-songwriters, not just singers. But, such a show would fail for the same reason that it's much easier for a cover band to pack a club: familiarity is comfort food.

Plus, how many self-respecting singer-songwriters would wear a "ponyhawk”?

•I have seen the future of rock 'n' roll, and its name is the Rosebuds. Last year, Gnarls Barkley's "The Last Time” and Boy Least Likely To's "Be Gentle With Me” brought back the roller-skating jam. "Get Up Get Out,” the first single from the Rosebuds' "Night of the Furies,” trumps them both for sheer disco spectacle.

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